Monday, 22nd of March 2010 at 08:00:57 PM 
I will press and press this until my finger bleeds.
The cabinets under the sink and above the stove, the shelves in the garage, the linen closet, every bathroom, and a weird small closet off the kitchen all held cleaning products and appliances of various kinds, and they were all in a mess and who knew what was where. Not me. However…the only thing more boring than actually going through all that impersonal lemon scented crap and choosing what should live where would be telling you about it. I will just say, it had to be done and I did it. Check that box.
Instead I offer up the sum of all the cleaning wisdom I garnered in my WHOLE LIFE, which I complied in my head as I combined 4 almost empty bottles of Windex into a single almost full bottle and decided it should live under the sink henceforth and forevermore.
1) My Glade Plug In hasn’t been wafting pleasing scents across the cat box since 2008, when I last replaced the scented oil and when, not coincidentally, my SON got old enough to be given the job of cat poop shovel-er. If you have an area that smells bad and you seldom go there, you can put a can of Lysol in a scent you like there for people who DO have to go there every now and again. Lysol is like a prehistoric version of a Glade Plug In!
2) I have come to hate Original Scent Fabreze with a pure and unadulterated hate. I used to LOVE it because it debuted on the market during a year when I had both a child in diapers and a bulimic cat. But over the years, I have used it to cover/remove/disperse so many foul smells that whenever I get a whiff of that traditional Fabreze-i-ness, I start obsessively sniffing for the eu de mouse corpse or Dog Sick that I KNOW it must be masking.
Even if someone has pre-Fabrezed their un-vile sofa for the cheery hell of it, my imagination supplies a fetid tang of awful, even when it isn’t there. Or I have a brain tumor. Although I think if you have a tumor you smell phantom burned popcorn? NEVER MIND. The point is, if I smell Fabreze in someone’s house, I am likely to assume the body of their greatest enemy is rotting merrily away just under the spring floral freshness of the air. I had a bottle lurking in the back of my cabinet, and just the faint whiff of it coming from the nozzle made my nose recoil into a defensive crinkle.
The Interwebs has now informed me that these days Fabreze comes in a variety of scents, so if you have the same problem you could solve it simply by changing fragrances. I think I am going to replace my Old School Fabreze with something called Apple Mango Tango Fabreze, self described as “A sniff-tastic blend of apple, mango and other exotic fruit scents.” I suspect if I stick with it, though, within a few years I am likely to develop a gag reflex that activates whenever someone attempts to serve me tropical fruit salad. Sniff-tastic indeed. I advise that we all constantly rotate the scents so we do not come to associate any one scent with nasal hellishness.
I have no sexual interest in you! Pass the mop!
My husband is such a jerk
he will not help me with my housework
but my special cleaning product
has a big, gay friend to help me!
Mr. Cle–ee-eean!
All that said, the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser is actually, truthfully, completely magic, just like it says on the package. Magicmagicmagic. Best cleaning product on the market.
Dusting Boots: Turns your cat into a cleaning service!
I had a maid service back when we absolutely could not afford one. I chose to have it instead of going to the movies or eating out, ever. This was back when we used to have a scrounge change out of the sofa if we hoped to ever get a bottle of wine with a cork or a Dominoes pizza. I am a thrifty person, but I find room in the budget for this. It was worth it then, it is worth it now, and if you can possibly swing it, it might be worth it for you as well. It makes me feel less FAILy, knowing my toilet is cleanish, and it buys you time to do things that matter, like playing outside with your kids or eating an entire bag of Easter candy while watching an NCIS marathon.
My philosophy is this: I can replace money—I can work more and make some. I can never, never, never make more time.
I never thought about Mr. Clean that way. However, if I EVER see my husband doing ANY un-begged for cleaning, I simply call it foreplay.
So, at times, Mr. Clean’s no expectation help would be greatly appreciated
Forget Fabreze – mix vodka and water in a spray bottle and it does the same thing. (1 part vodka, 3 parts water) Fill in your own jokes about vodka as a household cleaner.
Dang, and I was just hunting around in this closet for my “make more time” machine!
@ Sandi no nono! If I ever came to associate the smell of VODKA with evil smells in the same way, I would have to give up dirty martinis!!!!
Target (and probably other places?) sells a store-brand version of the Magic Eraser, so you don’t even have to put up with Mr. Clean on those if you don’t want to. Plus, they are cheaper, so more money for your maid service.
And I agree, those erasers are quite possibly the coolest cleaning product on the planet.
Just remember to use rubber gloves with the magic eraser – it’s actually kind of toxic!!
I’ve just recently caught onto the joys of twice a month maid service. I always thought it was something for the uber-rich but now I’ll never be able to go back. Not scrubbing toilets is wonderful. Of course I didn’t scrub them much before but now I don’t feel guilty about it.
Also? Time for a Mark Harmon/Gibbs marathon is worth quite a chunk of change in my book.
Couldn’t agree more about Mr. Clean, or the Magic Eraser. It cleans up crayon on the walls just as well as gunk in the grout on the kitchen counter. Impressive.
And about associating “clean” smells with revolting ones. Resolve carpet cleaner will smell like the year my son had reflux forever more, amen. I can’t even stand to see the container. Blech.
The Magic Eraser will also remove coffee stains in your glass or stainless caraffe, and cleans dried milk out of glasses and dried coffee/cream out of coffee cups. Of course I thoroughly wash with dishsoap or in the dishwasher afterwards.
I once had a maid. I would not have traded her for a diamond ring. To arrive home to clean sheets, a sparkling kitchen, and dusted furniture was thrilling.
I have a love/hate relationship with my cleaning lady. I have sparkly, lovely toilets and clean sheets on my bed, but I can’t find ANYTHING!GAH!
I keep telling my husband that the best gift he could ever get me is a cleaning service…he’s not biting so far. *SIGH*
@Sandi: I just got a mental picture of a woozy mouse teetering blearily out of the woodwork, hiccuping. Not a real mouse, a cartoon one like “Ralph” and “Norton” that used voice imitations of “The Honeymooners.” My cartoon mouse staggers out of the baseboard, yanks my shoelace, and says, “You’re not cleanin’ tonight? What about Happy Hour?!? Va-va-va-VOOM!”
@Jen A: Try putting a bandana on your head, yellow rubber gloves on your hands, and saying sweetly, “Not tonight, dear. Tonight I will be cleaning the bathroom instead of lavishing my attention on you or anything else I might want to do. Have you reconsidered getting a cleaning service yet?”
Alternately, you could hand HIM the rubber gloves and bandana, and explain his choices as follows:
1-clean the bathroom
2-pay a moving service, because you refuse to live with a filthy bathroom, or
3-Hire a cleaning service!!!
*Disclaimer: the above silly person is not married, and divorced her first and only husband over silly things like illegal drugs and borrowing her undergarments. Taking her advice may result in nausea, heartburn, and fainting upon standing.
I love our cleaning lady. First off, Quebecois, so I can claim I have a French Maid. Second, she comes on Thursdays when I work at home and she always has the best stories, right down at my level. And finally, she’s awesomely thorough. She moves furniture to clean under it or even rearranges it if it would improve the flow. She’s offered to regrout my windows now that it’s warm enough.
I really, really love her.