Thursday, 25th of February 2010 at 11:25:39 PM With just a couple weeks left in this challenge, I find myself wondering what comes next. More specifically, I’m allowing myself to actually think about what I want. Because—let’s face it—I spent half this challenge so convinced that I couldn’t possibly make any progress, then the other half (so far, anyway) so amazed that I was finally progressing, that I never really stopped to think about what any of it means, long-term.
There’s the easy stuff, of course. At my current rate of loss (assuming I’m maintaining… forgive me, Diet Deities, but I haven’t weighed myself in over a week and I have a cold and my exercise schedule is off thanks to travel and said cold), I should be able to hit the 10 pound mark on schedule. Rather than celebrate that, of course, I have decided I’d like to lose another two pounds, after that. Losing a total of 12 pounds takes me to the weight I’d really like to be at, though why I like that number (other than that it ends in a zero, which just seems nice and round and all), I couldn’t tell you.
The harder part is the realization that I’ve become comfortable with my diet, and I’m not entirely sure what happens once I just want to maintain my weight rather than lose weight. Am I on a diet, or have I adopted a new lifestyle? Is it both? I’m pretty sure the goal here was to make sustainable changes.
The problem is that I’m not sure if I have.
I’m not going to lie; some of the dietary changes I made were really hard for the first month or so. My name is Mir, and I am a sugar addict. I fully believe I spent that first month either in withdrawal or giving in to cravings and then hating myself for being weak. And at first I tried moderation, but it quickly became clear that I’m not the girl who can allot herself one dark chocolate a day and be happy. I am the girl who will allot herself one dark chocolate a day and then eat five more when no one’s looking. So I went cold turkey.
I gave up refined sugar. I gave up grains. My intake of carbs (other than those obtained from select vegetables and fresh fruit) is almost nonexistent. Gave them up entirely. My diet now consists of piles of fruits and vegetables and healthy portions of high-protein foods like lean meats and yogurt. Up until last week, I hadn’t cheated in well over a month.
Last week I was away at a conference and I cheated twice: At one luncheon someone put a tiny scoop of handmade vanilla gelato in front of me and I AM ONLY HUMAN, so I ate it (and good lord, it was delicious); and I went out for Thai food one night and my dish had such a marvelous sauce that I had a small scoop of white rice merely to aid in getting more of that sauce up to my mouth. In both cases I didn’t notice the “forbidden” foods triggering an avalanche of cravings, and because I was in a controlled environment it’s not as though I could’ve fallen off the wagon too hard even if they had. I came home and resumed my well-controlled diet.
So is this a diet, or a sustainable life choice? Once I’ve reached my goal weight, do I continue eating this way, but with larger portions? (Interesting item of note: I no longer feel hungry or deprived on my current eating plan. So the idea of eating more of what I’m already eating sort of makes me go… meh.) Or do I go back to having dessert, having that glass of wine, eating rice and the occasional (gluten-free) pasta and cornbread again?
Part of me feels like the “reward” at the end is that I get to go back to eating those foods I’ve forsaken. And another part of me raises a skeptical eyebrow and says, “Hey, Sugar Addict. Once you start, you’re back on the cravings train. Better to just stay far, far away.” The fact of the matter is that I’m not good at moderation. I’m okay at deprivation; after a while, it no longer feels like being deprived. But moderation… that always feels like being deprived (to me).
I could keep this up, at my goal weight; just up my calorie intake a little, and call it my new lifestyle. Do it forever. Maybe. Or I could consider conquering moderation the next task, though I know from years of experience that the way my body starts jonesing for carbs probably means I’m safer, this way. But then again, some would call my current eating restrictions kind of extreme, I suppose.
The bottom line is that right now I feel pretty good. I don’t want to screw that up once I’m no longer losing weight. Can being low-carb actually just be a regular eating plan? Or has the lack of carbohydrates injured my brain?
Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this post.
I am FINALLY getting things right with respect to diet AND exercise, the pounds are falling off (albeit with many, MANY more to go), and you just eloquently wrote out the thoughts that are swirling obnoxiously in my head.
These lines, in particular, struck a very deep chord with me: “The fact of the matter is that I’m not good at moderation. I’m okay at deprivation; after a while, it no longer feels like being deprived. But moderation… that always feels like being deprived (to me).”
I’m pretty much convinced, at least at this stage of the game, that I can NEVER have certain sugary things in my fridge/freezer/pantry, ever again. I’ve finally stopped lying to myself about having them “for the kids”, or telling myself that I’ll only eat one a day…
As far as eating dessert and things while going out to eat (i.e. in a controlled environment)?? Not at all sure of the solution in the future, but right now it’s a big NO. The slope to a sugar coma, it is slippery.
My meals are much like yours. I do fix a dish with rice, pasta, or potatoes maybe twice a week, and once a week I make a dessert. The last time, it was brownies BUT I baked only a quarter recipe in two small ramekins. We shared one ramekin a night. This works for us.
I am very happy with our almost starchless meals, I feel that I have lots of room for creativity and don’t feel deprived at all. I can always work more on portion control, but right now I’m putting my energies on changing my relationship to exercise.
I have 80 pounds to lose. So far, my poundage loss has been a big one pound a month, but I’m noticing the difference in how my clothes fit. I don’t have the fluffy down shrug around my upper arms — as is appropriate to the season, it’s only a chunky knit shrug now. I hope that I’m going to get to the sleek cashmere one soon.
I’m just like you when it comes to sugar. I just gave it up for Lent, and it is killing me! Sugar is a basic food group to my body!
No grains/carbs?! I can’t imagine it! And I have an honest, sincere, nonjudgmental question for you Mir, one mom to another. I truly am not judging your diet or your choices; I’m honestly wondering about this question. And that is, how do you model healthy/moderate/reasonable eating to your children (esp. a daughter) when you’ve given up an entire food group in your own eating? (And, I might add, a healthy food group–I’m not talking about giving up refined sugar, I’m talking about giving up all grains, even whole grains that really are healthy.) Do you worry about that? If so, how do you handle it?
That’s a really good question, Shannon. First of all, I gave up wheat a while back due to an allergy/intolerance, so my grain consumption was already waaaayyyyy down for a legitimate health reason. Cutting out the other stuff has given me the opportunity to talk to my kids (my daughter in particular, as my son is too young and too male to really care) about what foods are good for us, how metabolism works, and the very American over-reliance on grains as a diet staple. My kids are both total carb-lovers so I think it’s actually been really good—I can explain why no, having four pieces of toast with jelly followed by crackers isn’t really a balanced meal.
My daughter is also a vegetarian (by choice; none of the rest of us are) so we’d already been talking a lot about what constitutes healthy. Our deal with her is that she can make her own food choices provided that she’s getting good nutrition and adequate protein, so we make her do some meal planning and read about complete proteins so that she can be aware that it’s all good and well to spare the animals, but she still has to get sufficient nutrition for her growing body.
Prior to any of this I already never bought white bread, white rice, white pasta… so getting whole grains over simple carbs has been a part of our lives for years. Now I speak the language of moderation even though I’m not necessarily practicing it; I’ll say, “Well, after I’ve hit my goal, I can go back to eating some of that brown rice when I want it,” and in theory that’s true. Months of loading my plate with salads and veggies have really sort of brought me around to preferring this way of eating, though.
At the end of the day, I’m still baking bread for the family. I’m still putting brown rice and steel-cut oatmeal on the table. I’m not demonizing those foods. I’m just saying, “For me I eat better when I skip these for now.” If “for now” becomes “always,” I agree we may have some issues to address.
Bottom line: you need carbs for your body to function properly. Instead of giving up grains, why don’t you try incorporating the good ones? Put some whole grains back in your diet, and if you try the really weird ones you can pretend that you’re still depriving yourself. Look into things like quinoa, millet, buckwheat groats – the stuff that sounds like diet food. Check out what Haaahvard has to say about carbs, weight loss and health:
http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/what-should-you-eat/carbohydrates/
Saying “no carbs” is really a misnomer, because of course I’m getting carbs from fruits, veggies and beans (we eat a lot of beans). I agree that NO carbs is bad. But regardless of the relative healthfulness of whole grains, there is no reason grains must be included in a balanced and healthy diet. They can be, but they don’t have to be.
I was just — just! — mulling over this very question. When I defend my dissertation next month my advisor will have a little celebration and there will be cake. Do I say, “Sorry, I’m a sugar addict so could we have a nice celebratory green salad instead?” Do I eat a slice of cake and then just deal with the cravings it will trigger? Sugar is such a part of American life that it’s really hard to give it up altogether. At the same time, it does bad things to me. I am happiest, most focused, most energetic when there is no sugar in my diet. Alas, that’s hard to maintain.
Mir, thanks for your reply. In our house, we eat only “brown”/whole grains also–no white bread or pasta, etc.–but I can’t imagine giving up even those foods. Of course, I have no physical/health reason to do so either (no food allergies, I mean). We are also a mainly vegetarian family (we eat lots of beans too, but combined with whole grains). My girls are still very young (3 and 5), BUT they are hyper-observant and look to me for their info about eating, body image, and how the world works, so I wonder about these issues of how our eating choices impact our children. By the way, my girls LOVE carbs too and would live on bread and cereal if allowed to do so! Luckily they are great fruit/vegetable/bean eaters too.
Jamie -congrats on your dissertation. To put the cake dilemma in perspective, if you were diabetic, would you hesitate to say no to the cake for health reasons? Of course, you WANT the cake, but knowing your body’s reaction, you may want to head off the cake preparations by suggesting a fruit or veg snack as celebratory food. I wouldn’t go into great detail on the reasons, just mention that too much sugar doesn’t agree with your body’s needs.
Mir- I’m hoping the changes I have made in my diet are permanent. Personally, I don’t do deprivation well, but am more likely to maintain good behavior if I’m allowed an occassional treat. I’ve found that my glass of wine at least has no fat, so is a better treat, yet relatively lower calorie than my previous habit of a bowl of chips with melted cheese on top.
Keeping your treats in a controlled situation, like going out to eat or on vacation rather than in your kitchen cupboard, might be the key for you.
On the other hand to Jamie, what kind of a life is it when one can’t even celebrate one of the biggest achievements of one’s life with a bite (or piece) of cake? One’s Ph.D. seems cake-worthy. Like a wedding.
Almost 2 years ago, I had to give up grains, all grains, because of an auto-immune disorder and consequent hypersensitivity. I lost 138 lbs.
A year ago, I got the green light on rice. I didn’t care – I can’t make edible rice for anything, and I refuse to buy the little frozen bowls at TJs. And then TJs got brown rice pasta. And there was chaos and woe in my life. and brown rice pasta got to be a very easy solution to dinner. And also to lunch. it didn’t give me cravings, I didn’t gain weight, but it wasn’t a good idea. (and not because of the carbs, because I eat *plenty* of carbs – hello roasted parsnips! strawberries! blood oranges! beets! toasted walnuts!)
I have stopped eating the brown rice pasta because it turns out that for me, easy food rapidly takes over my entire diet and not for reasons of deliciousness. Grains are very very easy. It’s not that I like that pasta so much, because I don’t. it’s that it’s easy, and I’m busy and I’m lazy and am excellent at making excuses for not taking care of myself. For some reason, food is the first place I stop. Once that goes, the slippery slope is very steep and very slippery. Greased eels on an iceberg have nothing of me. Meals without grains take some forethought and some planning, but once you get in the swing of it, it’s simple to do and to maintain and wow, wow do I feel so much better. just astonishingly, ridiculously better.
So yeah, bite of cake, brown rice pasta – there’s always an occasion to try something or have a treat. I am *excellent* at reasons to mess with what works very well for me. You have to consider the consequences. It turns out that for me easy isn’t worth how it makes me feel physically. It’s taken me a long, long time to learn that. many years. everyone learns their own way, but for myself, there are consequences to my food choices that may seem subtle from the outside, but potentially impair my quality of life. It is a big relief to have begun making those choices for myself, rather than for the sake of easy.
Jamie – a fruit bouquet would be good for healthy version of celebrating.
My husband and I both got back to our ideal weights doing the low-carb thing. (And you’re right. America has been brainwashed to think we need more carbs than we do and that we have to get them from bread, rice, etc.) Now we’ve re-introduced whole grains and have occasional treats. I ALWAYS eat dessert when someone has gone to the trouble of making it from scratch. Store-bought stuff you can get anytime — meh. When our weight increases, we know we have the ability to cut out sugar, etc. and get back to where we want to be. I think the key is knowing how to lose weight, knowing you’ve done it, it’s not complicated or difficult, and you didn’t starve. I have an upper weight limit, and simply won’t go above it.