I feel like I’ve gotten kind of Serious and Heady here lately, which wasn’t my intention, nor does it make me feel like I’m fitting in well amongst the rest of my compatriots, who never fail to bring The Funny. I mean, I set out to lose some weight, and instead it’s like I’m growing as a person, or something, and as Joss is fond of saying, WE DON’T DO THAT HERE. At least, I try not to. It’s so messy. And feeling-y.
So here’s the deal: My goal was to lose some weight. Now that I am actually losing weight, I’m realizing that was kind of a stupid goal.
Well, no. Losing weight isn’t in and of itself a stupid goal. It’s just that I wasn’t truly overweight, I was just unhappy with myself. And even though I’m losing weight and therefore fitting back into my pants and therefore feeling happier with myself, it—surprise!—has not fixed the underlying problem, which is that I am just not on very good terms with my body.And so now we come back to the woo-woo (the same woo-woo I mentioned back in this post two weeks ago). I was contacted by a reader who wanted to put me in touch with Holly Stokes, who is an NLP coach. Follow that last link there to learn more about NLP, but basically Holly works in the business of helping people reprogram their subconscious thoughts to support better conscious results (hey Holly, correct me if that was too simplistic). Holly is the source of the aforementioned woo-woo; she works in hypnosis.
And it’s not that I don’t believe in hypnosis, because actually I do. But I’m also just the sort of snobbish “realist” who believes it won’t work for me, you know, on account of I’m so logical and stuff. (I know. I’m not defending my position.)
Anyway, Holly and I got in touch, and Holly was generous enough to give me a set of her Lighten Up! CDs to listen to at home. I ripped the CDs to my iPod and started listening to them daily with no results—though, to be fair, I wasn’t expecting any—and then after talking with Holly about my frustration, she was the one who suggested I picture myself at my ideal weight. And somehow, that was the thing that changed my progress. The weight started coming off.
I felt really good for about two weeks, and although I’m still losing weight, I’m also becoming increasingly aware that it’s not the size of my thighs that is the problem, but my view of myself. That still needs some work. Okay, a lot of work. And Holly’s CDs address some of that, so I guess I’ll keep listening.
Just so we’re clear: I got the CDs for free (thanks, Holly!), and I didn’t really think they’d work (also, I don’t believe in Christmas, or puppies), but I am definitely seeing results. And thinking more deeply about this experience, which may or may not be related to Holly’s CDs. Damn her. Damn her and her excellent work reprogramming my brain!
Apparently Holly’s CDs do not promote better manners. Just weight loss and a bit of self-examination. (Dear Holly, I hope you have a sense of humor. I am really not trying to be a jerk, it just sort of comes naturally to me sometimes.)
In conclusion, I apologize for being all introspective and stuff, but it seems to be a side effect of thinking. And I encourage you to check out Holly’s site and her CDs if you’re in that “Nothing’s working!” kind of place where you just feel completely stuck. I have been there and it’s no fun, and as hard as working through some of these “why don’t I feel better about myself?” feelings are, I much prefer this place, where I’m making progress, losing weight, and actually thinking about what I want.
As for lightening up, mood-wise? I’m working on that, too. Maybe I need to get a scarf and go jump around on the beach like the lady in the picture.